Love Needs Presence
As I awoke to the sound of thunder, I was pulled to meditate my way out of sleep. It’s good to find opportunities that will vary your meditation experience. Because you’re not simply quieting your thoughts but training your attention on any number of focal points, it can be incredibly elucidating to watch the contents of awareness shift accordingly. Today was no exception.
This morning my attention gravitated toward the sensation of Paige’s arm across my chest. Its weight. Its warmth. Its tremble of vibration and life. Its unique shape and size and texture. I began to be filled with a gratitude for the amazing partner I have at my side, undertaking all of these crazy challenges and adventures with me. Appreciation for her uniqueness, beginning with the signature of her arm across my chest, came flooding over me in a way that’s rarely felt after years with someone.
As newlyweds, people will passively say things like: yeah, just wait a few years and that wears off, or this’ll change, or just see how long that lasts, referring to the spark or dynamic relationships often begin with but can’t seem to hang onto.
That’s not a feigned reality or the result of poorer partnerships. A large part of this is due to unconscious processes that feel outside of our control. This is what happens with anything that becomes a regular part of our life. The newness wears off, and as much as we might appreciate it, it feels almost like it could never be seen the way it was when we were first introduced to it.
This is why we all have a rewatch limit for movies before they become grating. It’s why fashion trends. It’s why an awesome new job becomes a repetitive slog. It’s also why we begin to take each other for granted and stop savoring every moment together as if it might be our last. Or worse yet, familiarity can breed contempt.
But meditation short circuits this process. We don’t have to remain stuck beneath layers of familiarity. We can learn to see our partners for all the amazing qualities that first drew us to them. We can frame them according to those, or we can seek to remove all familiarity entirely through moments of unadulterated presence.
The mental forms we hold of our loved ones, which we inadvertently and unconsciously carry into interactions that only exist in the here and now, are not reality. Imagine seeing them for the first time in this very moment. Imagine seeing them through all that you’ve gone through together, but absent the failures you’ve clung to. Imagine if this were your last moment together. Any number of thoughts can shape your perspective.
But you can also imagine nothing, and simply be there with them in undivided attention, realizing this other human being has given you part of their little slice of time on earth, because they love you.
Absent my mind, while present in heart, Paige is the most amazing thing that’s ever graced my vision. An unparalleled entity, whose momentary company is worth a lifetime of work finding it. I’m privileged to have ever met her. Lucky to have ever found her. And more deeply in love than I could ever otherwise be.
Don’t just know your loved ones; see them fully. Love them completely. Find your way to the present.
