How Not to Be Angry

   We know a lot of you see us as happy, positive people. But the truth is, the walk and social media present us with a lot of things that not only try to drag us down, but can be incredibly frustrating. We get trolled by people all the time trying to push us into anger, as if it will somehow expose us for not being the faces of positivity we most often showcase. That simple fact alone can make your brow furrow. But we do our best to dissolve the emotion rather than justify it. And it’s not purely to retain our image. 

   Giving in to anger sets the tone for how you’ll handle stuff next time. It’s kind of like an addiction—the more you feed it, the easier it gets to slip back into it. That’s how your brain works: distance weakens the urge, but the closer you stay to it, the more natural it feels. Step away long enough, and it starts to feel unfamiliar. Keep indulging, and it becomes your default mode.

  And this isn’t just some poetic metaphor—it’s neuroscience. The brain builds habits based on repetition, physically changing in structure over time. This is known as neuroplasticity. Every time you react with anger, you’re strengthening that pattern, like carving a deeper groove into your brain. That means it’ll feel more automatic the next time you’re triggered. But if you resist acting on it—if you sit with it without feeding it—those patterns start to fade, and other responses (like patience or curiosity) get easier to access.

   Here’s the real kicker: anger feels solid, but it’s actually not. Every emotion rises and falls. If you watch it closely, anger doesn’t hold still—it flickers, changes, and eventually fades unless you keep feeding it. The only reason it sticks around is because we identify with it. We think it’s us. But it’s not. You’re not your anger—you’re the awareness that sees it come and go.

Let’s Break It Down

 •Anger shows up automatically.

When you’re triggered, your brain jumps into fight-or-flight mode. That initial burst of anger? It’s not something you chose—it’s just your nervous system doing its thing.

 •But staying angry is optional.

What keeps anger going is your mental feedback loop—justifying it, replaying the situation, building a story around it. If you stop feeding it, it fades. Like anything else that doesn’t get attention.

 •Acting on it reinforces it.

Every time you blow up or snap, your brain takes notes: Ah, this is how we deal with things. But when you resist reacting and just observe it, the grip loosens. Over time, it gets easier.

 •Anger messes with how you see things.

It narrows your focus, making it harder to understand other people’s perspectives. It feeds your biases and often leads to choices you’d regret once you’ve cooled off.

Want to Break the Cycle? Here’s a 3-Step Reset:

 1. Notice it without reacting.

As soon as you feel that heat rise, just name it: “This is anger.” You don’t need to fix it or justify it. Just notice.

 2. Look at it closely.

Where is it? Can you point to it? Does it stay the same? Probably not. Watch how it comes and goes, shifts and flickers. That alone weakens it.

 3. Bring your focus to the present.

Anger feeds off stories—what happened, what should happen—but in the here and now, it loses traction. Bring your attention to your breath, your body, or the sounds around you. That present-moment awareness undercuts anger’s fuel source.

   Each time you do this, you’re training your brain to respond differently. What used to feel automatic starts to fade. That wave of anger? It’ll come, but it won’t slam into you the same way. So we always remember: how we react now sets the stage for how we’ll react later. Every choice is a chance to shift the pattern.