The Closest Call

   Paige here! I felt inspired to write something after this fall in heavy traffic. The video doesn’t do it justice. I fell on my neck in the middle of a blind high speed curve with such consistent traffic we’d been waiting to run for minutes. 

   I’ve never come so close. Never been so unable to pull myself out of danger. Never had to rely on the hope of a stranger, knowing that in the blink of an eye, I’d either be okay or be no longer.

   Nothing has brought me more presence, more gratitude, or greater clarity. Many people think it’s a sign to stop, a reason to go home, or to change the shape of our journey. Do I feel differently about the shape of our lives after this? Absolutely. I feel motivated to take every moment I can to be FULLY present with people I care about. I feel a sense of gratitude toward what I believe to be the divine guidance that is our whole universe, or what many would more closely refer to as God.

   I feel clarity in knowing that I’m living exactly the life path I need to. A life lived in self-sacrifice to the world, in an effort to better the minds and hearts of other humans who are feeling, hurting, and suffering with the same humanity that I am, is one HUNDRED percent worth a life lived in risk. Living longer is worth nothing to me if it is not in service of creating a world with more love, presence, and acceptance.

   There are very specific ways in which I want to be MUCH more cautious, of course. But I don’t want to stop walking. I want to live more intentionally, take more moments to be vulnerable, and show my terribly imperfect humanity, if it only means helping someone feel more motivated or less alone. I want to never settle in my relationship, always working to be more present with, appreciative of, and better at supporting the career that I share with my partner. 

   I want to keep working to nourish my connection with the people who put effort into my relationship with them, and dissolve my obligations to share my time and energy with those who are not appreciative, benefiting from, or wanting to put in the effort to create a deeper connection. We only have so much energy to allot to this world and the people in it.

   I pray… Please help align me with the most impactful path that lies ahead. Help me lead with love and become more and more aware when my own selfish desires are impeding my judgments. Help me prioritize the right relationships, nourishing those which will fruit into long-term appreciation and connection. Help me let go of those who don’t serve toward bettering my life, and those who do not value me. 

   Help me be present and let go of all of the ruminations, the what-ifs, the desires of tomorrow. Help me love my partner to the deepest possible depths that I’m capable of sharing with another human being. Help me follow through with my journey, keeping the heart of the mission above all else. Help me let go of the judgments of others and not let them penetrate my heart when I do have to face them. 

   Please guide me, help me let go, and I promise I’ll do my best to follow. Thank you for everything you’ve given me.