A Bedtime Story

   Bedtime story! A man once decided he would “optimize” his sleep! He bought the perfect mattress, then a better pillow, then a cooling pillow, then blackout curtains, then a white-noise machine, then a lava lamp, then melatonin drops, then a sleep tracker that informed him hourly that he was not sleeping well. 

   Every night he adjusted something, conjuring new ways to optimize his sleep. He tilted the fan. Changed the temperature by one degree. Rearranged the blankets.

   Try as he might, it seemed his efforts only served to worsen his slumber. He would be forced awake, wondering when he would no longer be awake; he would ruin his sleep, trying to fall asleep.

   Outside his door, fed up with his fussing, his dog would wander to whichever spot called to her that night, and instantly fall asleep on the cold hard floor.

G’night, everyone!